Ronaldo pulled off at half time

[u/Birdie_Num_Num]

No wonder he hasn’t retired yet

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[u/CuteGrayRhino]

Messi and Ronaldo both getting handjobs in the middle of matches. Their abuse of power has gone off the rails.

[u/Deathleach → u/CuteGrayRhino]

How is this abuse of power? It looks like those medics have him right by the balls.

[u/CuteGrayRhino → u/Deathleach]

They want the medics' hands there to get off. It's a power move by both definitely.

[u/lostindanet → u/CuteGrayRhino]

a latex glove and some lube can do wonders.

[u/DontStopNowBaby → u/Deathleach]

That depends if they're medically qualified for the job.

[u/EchoInternational610 → u/Deathleach]

I can't believe this comment doesn't have more up votes. 

[u/SuperSmashDan1337 → u/EchoInternational610]

Give us time it's only an hour old!

[u/SoRedditHasAnAppNow → u/CuteGrayRhino]

Getting a handjob on the pitch would indeed be Messi

[u/NationalAlgae421 → u/CuteGrayRhino]

Their job is to make your body feel better, they are trained for this bro.

[u/KilllerWhale → u/CuteGrayRhino]

The little dicktator

[u/companysOkay → u/CuteGrayRhino]

Not beating off the allegations

[u/Beneficial_Thing_134 → u/CuteGrayRhino]

can't unsee

[u/xxJesse_Pinkmanxx]

Get in there, doc... was the wrong thing to say!

[u/ThisIsGettinWeirdNow → u/xxJesse_Pinkmanxx]

Step doc

[u/TripolarMan → u/ThisIsGettinWeirdNow]

And now I learned what "pulled off" means in Europe

[u/Eusocial_Snowman → u/TripolarMan]

That's not a European thing. It's what your parents called jacking off before your peers were groomed by 4chan and started calling it "going goonies mode".

[u/cavelioness → u/TripolarMan]

I don't think just in Europe, I feel like it's a euphemism that was more popular in, like, the 70's and 80's.

[u/Eusocial_Snowman → u/xxJesse_Pinkmanxx]

It's a legitimate recovery technique, okay?

[u/Flynn_JM]

The moaning,  the panting,  the screaming,  the breathing? 

Fake, fake,  fake,  fake!

[u/andrew_1515 → u/Flynn_JM]

I think it moved

[u/el_throw → u/Flynn_JM]

Sex...? To save the friendship....?

[u/Flynn_JM → u/el_throw]

I'll give you 30 minutes!! Lol

[u/dcoolidge → u/Flynn_JM]

I was in the water!

[u/HornyBrownLad → u/dcoolidge]

Pool*

[u/Tfsz0719 → u/HornyBrownLad]

It shrinks?

[u/Mr_programming86 → u/el_throw]

The day after she leaves you.

[u/Grantetons → u/Flynn_JM]

Hey you wouldn't happen to have any of that mango left would you?

[u/IslandMist → u/Flynn_JM]

I can't be excited at Seinfeld in this period

[u/3rdp0st → u/IslandMist]

"Not that there's anything wrong with that!"

[u/Heisenbugg → u/IslandMist]

Thats a shame

[u/imp_st3r → u/IslandMist]

I think he just lost the contest

[u/gikigill → u/imp_st3r]

Eat the mangoes!

[u/National_Track8242 → u/Flynn_JM]

Pretty good huh?

[u/Archy38 → u/Flynn_JM]

Lol why did I sing those words as if it was Five Finger Death Punch's "The Bleeding"

[u/ouchimus]

What are they doing tho?

[u/Ersthelfer → u/ouchimus]

Don't wanna be the party pooper with the serious answer, but I'll do it anyways. I guess he had a cramp and they try to massage it away. Don't think this is really half time and he is probably supposed to get on the field again as soon as possible. Doing this hurts quite a bit.

[u/1m2q6x0s → u/Ersthelfer]

Must suck that you might be seen as "party pooper" if you don't repeat the same joke 100 times nowadays.

[u/dezzalzik → u/1m2q6x0s]

Being a Reddit comedian wannabe is the default mode, because when you say something serious, you just know someone will think it's a personal attack on their existence.

[u/1m2q6x0s → u/dezzalzik]

Damn that sucks for them lol

[u/LLL111III--- → u/1m2q6x0s]

your post was downvoted

LOL

[u/dezzalzik → u/LLL111III---]

I told ya!

[u/wxnfx → u/dezzalzik]

There’s no need for you to be lobbing personal attacks, pal.

[u/Rrdro → u/wxnfx]

His not your pal, mate!

[u/robotmonkey2099 → u/dezzalzik]

Or some supposed expert will come out of nowhere just to argue with you

[u/BOOOOOMSHAKALAKA → u/1m2q6x0s]

Seriously. I go into the comments searching for the party pooper, y’all aren’t as funny as you think

[u/Sachetorte → u/1m2q6x0s]

“You must be fun at parties” or whatever tht stupid default ass phrase is

[u/YourAverageExecutive → u/Ersthelfer]

It’s this. Former competitive player. It’s that, cold spray/gel, maybe some sugar or similar cubes / food with electrolytes. Had to have this done on my calves mainly. Quads suck to try to fix during a game.

[u/TriumphEnt → u/Ersthelfer]

Why would you be a party pooper for saying literally the only thing that is relevant? This should be all the way at the top.

[u/Old_Society_7861 → u/Ersthelfer]

“I was just messaging away a cramp” is what I tell my wife

[u/StuntHacks → u/Ersthelfer]

Username checks out

[u/TactlessTortoise → u/Ersthelfer]

Could also be one of those cold sprays too. But we don't see any smoke, so the guy indeed is likely furiously rubbing one... Of his cramped muscles.

[u/dextracin → u/ouchimus]

Enjoying each other’s company.

[u/williambueti → u/ouchimus]

Their best, damnit! You try doing that in front of thousands of people.

[u/gattuzo → u/ouchimus]

what are you doing, step-doc?

[u/randomly_responds → u/ouchimus]

Prob massaging his genitalia

[u/Ethereal_Bulwark]

When they finish, he will need a 28 minute nap. THEN, he will be solid.

[u/allmopsarebad → u/Ethereal_Bulwark]

Why 28?

[u/klaw14 → u/allmopsarebad]

27 isn't enough, 29 is too many.

[u/LupohM8 → u/Ethereal_Bulwark]

But maybe not as solid as he is in this clip

[u/Dangerous-Spare7843]

The way he tilts his head backwards makes it so much worse lol

[u/Cluelessish → u/Dangerous-Spare7843]

Or better. I think better.

[u/thathopmess]

That’s it I’m finding a soccer team

[u/TimmyOneShoe → u/thathopmess]

I'm a medic

[u/mnid92 → u/TimmyOneShoe]

uwu I fell can u pls help me big strong medic?

[u/wobbly_doo → u/mnid92]

What are you doin step-medic?

[u/TimmyOneShoe → u/wobbly_doo]

I noticed that you're stuck on the ground step soccer player 🥹

[u/ahmadtheanon → u/thathopmess]

Count me in.

[u/KINX369 → u/thathopmess]

It's football.

[u/muttli]

Portuguese team physicians are basically Dupont et Dupond

[u/joaommx → u/muttli]

That makes sense. Portugal’s current national team manager had spent the previous seven years managing the Belgian national team. He must have started working with them there and invited them over when he moved to Portugal.

[u/Anforas → u/joaommx]

This video is from 2018 though.

[u/kndyone]

They gave Messi a wank today too

[u/Empoleon_420]

To my surprise, this isn't r/soccercirclejerk

[u/deeablo77]

If that’s what soccer is, my husband is a pro lol

[u/Tarroes → u/deeablo77]

Getting handies from other men?

[u/deeablo77 → u/Tarroes]

Uh.. lol ok, he would be the pro trainer in that case

[u/Cluelessish → u/deeablo77]

Giving handjobs to other men?

[u/deeablo77 → u/Cluelessish]

Lol I retract my comment

[u/Jojoceptionistaken → u/deeablo77]

retract?

[u/ThisIsGettinWeirdNow]

You gotta HAWK TUAH SPIT ON THAT THANG!

[u/OldManNeighbor → u/ThisIsGettinWeirdNow]

Where’s the cold spray come in 🤔

[u/ThisIsGettinWeirdNow → u/OldManNeighbor]

Gonna call it Coldplay, after all he wants Something just like this

[u/aheartworthbreaking → u/ThisIsGettinWeirdNow]

He’s counting down the Clocks

[u/OldManNeighbor → u/ThisIsGettinWeirdNow]

You brilliant son of a bitch…

[u/lostmyaccountpt → u/ThisIsGettinWeirdNow]

Wtf is this HAWK TUAH?

[u/Runkel79 → u/lostmyaccountpt]

Impossible to find a clip without obnoxious music or reaction/commentary edited in but here you go: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Tu2fMXikg4

[u/Death_by_carfire → u/Runkel79]

I've been noticing that too lol, is YT just shit now?

[u/Seienchin88 → u/Runkel79]

Still gone get it what’s hawk Tuah?

[u/bytor_2112 → u/Seienchin88]

It's onomatopoeia - a cartoonish written-out spelling of the noise you make generating a loogie/saliva and spitting it out. Like hwak PTUH

[u/Matt6453]

"Alf Ramsey said if I didn't play better he was going to pull me off at half time. I said that's nice, normally I just get an orange" - Jimmy Greaves or Rodney Marsh depending on who you believe.

[u/iiitme]

I wonder what happened to him. Hamstring injury?

[u/Opposite_Tangerine97 → u/iiitme]

Well something definitely happened to his ham.

[u/uminji → u/Opposite_Tangerine97]

I can’t with this thread anymore

[u/QA4891]

Haha this is why seeing things from multiple perspectives is important folks haha

[u/mayusuff]

We'll miss him when he retire. He is surely one of the best players. 

[u/Loud-Process7413]

🤣🤣🤣 Jaysus...you only got a cup of tea at our club at half time🤣 Lucky b#stard!

[u/luckybarrel]

I don't know what I was expecting but it was not this. I absolutely hollered. Like the action of doing it was not enough, even his expression of ecstasy lmao.

[u/hawkinsst7]

"pulled off?" is this a soccer term I don't know?

Oooh

[u/Ok_Needleworker6900]

Ronaldo's 'half-time break' just fuel for the endless debate!

[u/neudeu]

I've been self medicating all my life...

[u/grimy-swine]

Spit on thst thang

[u/Takssista]

When you're so rich you got a couple of guys to spank your monkey for you

[u/Sethmeisterg]

Man I wish I had my own staff of wankers.

[u/afroroca]

Old but Classic.

[u/wholehawg]

Doesn't he know he's gotta get some Hawk Toua on that thang?

[u/DefendsTheDownvoted]

"Oh, my God. They pulled you off?"

[u/Eydrox]

straightest soccer interaction

[u/Lingering_Dorkness]

All I ever got at half time was a slice of orange. 

[u/tmomps]

Well this explains why there’s so much flopping in Soccer

[u/tlee10911]

How outrageous that he even had them film it!

[u/SonJake21]

I thought they were just going to pull him off the field because he's injured...

[u/South_Engineer_4702]

Geez back in the amateur leagues they just use to give us orange slices. 

[u/Gorazde]

Nice to see his tournament have a happy ending.

[u/Karma_Gardener]

Your username is amazing /u/Birdie_Num_Num

[u/Emergency-Eagle-9094]

It’s like the Texas Tech bellringer all over again

[u/WhaleCoastCanna]

Uncle? Is that you?

[u/LubeTornado]

Those men aren't medics either. Also 0:16

[u/ContentMod8991]

LOL love the flop he get jaked off then he good2 go ha ha

[u/HygorBohmHubner]

Holy shit, that does look sus from this angle! 😂😂

[u/NinjaAncient4010]

By a werebat no less.

[u/punched-in-face]

That dude had skeleton arms

[u/QqMama]

He liked it.😀

[u/heprer]

By Ronaldo's reaction, that medic sure knows what he's doing:))

[u/AmptiShanti]

Man that’s a sh-oh pulled off mid game not off the game ok

[u/AmptiShanti]

He scored it seems

[u/michellelabelle]

I mean that trainer's arm was at least a foot from his torso, so… damn, I see why he's so popular.

[u/murekz]

Hawk tuah!

[u/Son_Jrich]

Speed is otw to save you hold on

[u/DustFunk]

So that's where he gets his ball handling skills from

[u/Ok-Society-3069]

Soccer isn't gay at alllll

[u/DerAlphos]

Man, you always do it best.

[u/Jmdesi]

Your O

[u/kinkladze_79]

So that's his secret

[u/138bpm]

Happy Hour at half time

[u/traws06]

If American football had trainers like this the players would be a lot less angry out there

[u/TheVerminSupreme]

aller à la douche

[u/stubwah]

Lucky Ronaldo...wish someone would pull me off.

[u/PUGILSTICKS]

Reminds me of a joke my grandfather told me.

Did you hear about the sexy footballer?

He came off at half time.

[u/BellaSuperfisky]

oopsie

[u/Any_Ad_7833]

Cumming off at half time.

[u/TTV_Mad_LAGGIE]

“Step aside doc I got this, HAWK TUAH!”

[u/maki23]

That felt soo good

[u/MangBoyUngas]

Sinalsal ba naman eh.

[u/Vods]

Rubbing one out

[u/CBate]

So that's where Mr. Lahey went

[u/ImJustineYouKnow]

Should've been me

[u/DarreylDeCarlo]

Now, what is really going on here?

[u/Aloha1984]

What’s the doctor’s name?

[u/LarekZ]

Homelander vibes

[u/Technical_Tourist639]

That Dr. Is doing gods work right there

[u/fishburgr]

Anyone else remember the video of the african wrestling match where the Drs method of waking up the knocked out fighter was to actually jerk him off?

Similair to this video https://youtu.be/dgR3GWJyQrY?si=E6iSbyqDnOOdkM3B&t=38

[u/LazyBuilder]

certainly not as young as he used to be...

[u/TTVControlWarrior]

What Georgina would say

[u/negei]

Furious hand in wild west

[u/White_rabbit0110]

This medical staff guy must be fired for what he’s doing to him, this is inappropriate. (-_-)

[u/Special_Dingo_1520]

Oh my gawd? The hammer pulled you off?

[u/Dense-Indication1137]

He had a happy finish 😎

[u/aitorkaranka27]

Esfrega caralho

[u/Ill-Fox-3276]

I didn’t know this was part of soccer.⚽️

[u/Contentpolicesuck]

As long as he washed his after who cares.

[u/KeyboardWarrior1988]

Executive relief.

[u/Zealousideal-Bet-913]

Șo zgîriat la pizda 😂😆

[u/kable1202]

It looks like you are shaking a tiny mushroom!

[u/jimbobedidlyob]

Are you Birdie Num Num from UKC?

[u/CuriousTurtle22]

I had to settle for half an orange 😞

[u/CactusKiwi77]

What game was this?

[u/saf_e]

He just having prostate massage, nothing to see here

[u/Edmond-the-Great]

That dude looks like he has at least 50 years of experience, no wonder he's a professional! I wonder how he keeps in practice during the offseason?

[u/Personal-Long3191]

e L

[u/tropicalhotdogdays]

Should count himself lucky. In my day all we got was an orange.

[u/Educational-Award-12]

Bro that's just going to weaken him. I'm exhausted for like half an hour post